Walk on with hope in your heart

Well. I am still here in California. My sweet mother is declining fast. Which is bitter sweet. Sweet becuase she is comfortable but bitter becuase everyday is closer to losing her. I am trying to just treasure the time I have. It is hard but there are so many tender mercies.
My mom hasn't said really anything the last two days. When I was first here she could at least say yes and no and laugh and smile. But lately it hasn't been anything. But today I looked at my mom in the eyes and said, "I love you mom." She looked at me and mustered all her energy and was able to breathily say, "Love you."

I have been trying to stay busy. We are getting things together for a garage sale this weekend so that we can have money to help pay for her funeral and other costs that will be coming sooner than I want to admit or believe.
I have had SO many lovely people helping me. I can't even put into words the gratitude I have for the love I have felt. I just keep thinking, "What in the world would I do without all the support I have?" Thank goodness for my church. Thank goodness for my husband and his family and their love and help. Thank goodness for my darling brother who is doing all he can to survive this too. Thank goodness for friends. ... no thank the Lord. He knows I couldn't do it alone.

The hardest times are when I am alone like now. My sweet mom is asleep and I am left to think. Left to sift out my memories and thoughts on my own. I know I will be ok. I know all of this is for my benefit and will help me to be stronger. But it is all still hard.
Deciding which of my childhood memories I need to throw away or try to sell makes my stomach sick. If i didn't have people shoveling food down my throat I don't know if I would eat.
But I know they are just belongings. They are just things. The memories I have will last forever.

I am still trying to compile memories/stories/pictures that people have of my mom so I can make a book.
It has been so sweet to read the things people have said about my mom.
She really is such a lovely lady. She has touched so many people's lives. She has blessed so many.
But I am sure my dad misses her terribly. What a sweet reunion that will be.
I know when she does pass it will be a shock. How do I properly prepare for that?
I have no idea. I just keep trying to keep my faith in the Savior. I know he is holding me close. I know that is how I am getting through. I know that this will help me to be a stronger and better person.
Right? right.

Ah.

My mom used to sing that song from Carousel all the time. On TV they are playing clips from Rodgers and Hammerstein's musicals. It is making me smile. Reminds me of my mom. I can hear her singing as clear as day in my mind. Even though she is sleeping right now I am convinced she can hear what we are watching. I think it is making her as happy as it is making me.

"When you walk through a storm keep your head up high and don't be afraid of the storm....
You'll never walk alone"



You'll Never Walk Alone by Rodgers & Hammerstein

When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.