Carry on

Things are going forward around here. Mom is declining fast. Each day she talks less, understands less and eats less. But I can tell when she is happy. I can tell when she is happy to see someone or something.

A wonderful treat came in the Mail yesterday from my mom's childhood friend Candi. Some DELICIOUS cookies. They made my mom very happy!

Her appetite was very poor today. Yesterday she was able to eat this cookie. One of the last solid types of food I have seen her eat. Today she mostly ate a milk shake and some broth.

 Little Adelaide makes mom happy. Up until today mom would be able to say, "I love baby" or "I love Addie". Today was the first time she really has not been saying much.


Mom still is the same Gail when she is coherent even though she can't seem to talk. Today while my friend and I were changing mom we pulled her up in the bed using a blanket. To lighten the mood I yelled, "WEEEE." My mom looked at me Raised her eye brows and pretended to wave her hands around like it was a ride. HA. It was a very subtle and very weak but it was my moms humor none the less.

Today we had a few wonderful visitors. I really truly have felt so much love. I am so grateful for that. It is so nice to not have to feel alone.

One of the hardest parts is when I "warn" people about my mom's condition and try to get them ready to see her in the state she is in. It is hard becuase I can always tell when they finally do go in and see her that all the words in the world could not really be enough preparation. It is hard to see anyone like that. It is especially hard when I remember that it is my mom laying there. 

I keep going on thinking that she will be getting better soon.

I go on thinking all our plans will soon be able to be fulfilled. It is hard to think that she is leaving this earth forever. 

So I try to not think about it and just focus on trying to make things the best now for her. 

I am so grateful for the Lord. I am grateful for my knowledge that this life is not the end. 

I know that it won't make losing my mom any less painful but it helps me get through, It helps me to carry on.

It helps me to feel loved. 

Elder Richard G Scott said the following;

"The challenges you face, the growth experiences you encounter, are intended to be temporary scenes played out on the stage of a life of continuing peace and happiness. Sadness, heartache, and disappointment are events in life. It is not intended that they be the substance of life. I do not minimize how hard some of these events can be. When the lesson you are to learn is very important, trials can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining focus of everything you do. Your life can and should be wondrously rewarding. It is your understanding and application of the laws of God that will give your life glorious purpose as you ascend and conquer the difficulties of life. That perspective keeps challenges confined to their proper place—stepping-stones to further growth and attainment."

I know that I am growing and learning. I know that life is not horrible. I know that Heavenly Father loves me. He wants me to be happy. And he wants my mom to be happy too. He loves her. This is all apart of his plan. I know that with all my heart. And I take comfort in knowing that these things will help me to become stronger. Even though right now I feel so very weak. Even though this is hard.

I know that despite everything. I am not alone. 

I have my friends and the wonderful people in the church. 

I have my sweet handsome husband. 

I have family... on both sides of the veil.

Most importantly I have my Savior. 

I found this awesome picture today of me and my daddy. It gave me such joy and comfort to see his face.

I really like this song right now:

http://youtu.be/q7yCLn-O-Y0