Back to normal life?

I have heard from more than one person this last week, "I bet it will be nice to go back to Pennsylvania and get back to your normal life."
Yes, I suppose it is nice to be back to the place that I now call home. It is nice to be with my blanket, my pillow and all my other "things". But I have realized more and more that things don't bring happiness.
I am also still fairly new here in PA. I don't know many people and I don't have the sturdy support system that I have in California or in Utah even for that matter. So the Normal that these few people have alluded to is not normal to me.
Plus my mom is not here anymore. That realization has been sinking in little by little. And there is nothing normal about that.
Normal to me is being able to call my mom everyday while I drive. Normal to me is "skype"ing with her and having her laugh at all the new tricks Addie has learned. Normal to me is knowing that my mom will make me smile no matter how sad or depressed I get. Normal to me is worrying about her. Normal is being able to have someone to vent to. Someone to reassure that I am doing things right.

I know I don't have a "normal" life. I never have. I know things always change. I have always hated change. But I am very much aware that with change comes growth. But I know that growth is not easy. Thus change is not easy. Never has been I guess.

I am still very numb to the fact that my mother has died. I watched it happen. The memory is hauntingly present in my mind everyday. I think back and wonder how I was able to stand that. I wonder how I was so okay during everything. I wonder how I am okay right now.
I know it is all thanks to the Lord. He has helped me through all of this. And as I am becoming more aware and as the pain becomes more real, I am reminded of how much he really has done for me. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this if it wasn't for the strength he has given me.

So back to "normal" life.
Back to living each day. Back to loving and adoring my daughter and husband. Back to being so in awe to the miracles of the Lord and being grateful for his blessings.
Back to trying to get by day by day.