All you need is love

The year anniversary of my Mother's death came and went. I made it through... I survived.
Eric went out and bought me diet coke and a box of chocolates. He loaded Addie and I into the car early Saturday morning. We drove 3 hours to the Columbus Ohio Temple where I went in and did a session. While inside I felt peace and comfort from My heavenly Father. I was reminded of God's greater plan for us and that despite the fact that my mom is not here now with me on earth she is in fact my mother forever. And I am sure she is near me more then I know.
After the temple we went to downtown Columbus and found an adorable cupcake shop where we stopped and tried some really interestingly delicious cupcakes. One was a chocolate potato chip cupcake. I know I was hesitant to try it as well but it was delicious.
Our drive home was peaceful. We talked, sang princess music and enjoyed being a little family.
I spent the evening looking through old photos. Reminiscing on days long ago.
I am so chose to go to the temple on the anniversary of my Mom's death. A friend of mine a few years back went to the temple after her husband died. That always stuck with me, her example. The temple can bring us blessings and on difficult days that is what we need. I think there is no where else my mom would have rather had me. She was always going to the temple herself. She loved the temple so much and I am grateful for her and my friends positive influences in my life. That was where I needed to be Saturday. I am glad I have such a wonderful husband who made it happen.

      I watched little Adelaide run up to me, grab my hand and pull me over to a her books this morning. I smiled as she slowly backed up into my lap. She nestled her head into my shoulder and tried to read along with me as I told her what was written in her book. I laughed as she got up half way through to switch out books.
My mom once had similar experiences with me. My mom once held my hand and walked as I pulled her around. My mom once had me jump into her lap and have me sing her songs with my nonsensical words. My mom once kissed my neck as I kiss Addie's and whispered that she loved me in my ear. I don't have definitive memories of this but as I go about my days with my daughter I have this nostalgia from long ago. And this understanding that my overwhelming love for Addie is what my mom had for me. When my mom told me that I was her sunshine, She meant it. I know that becuase I mean it when I say it to Addie.

We all have that one person in our lives who loves us unconditionally and makes us feel like we really are special.  I was truly loved by my mother. Even though I didn't recognize it all the time.
I am not the most confident of people. I can be very hard on myself and I don't always think of myself in the most positive of lights. But my mother always had something kind to say. Now she had "tough loving" (unintentionally harsh) things to say too but She never went a phone call or conversation without saying she loved me. Becuase no matter how rude or cruel or ignorant or stupid or clumsy I was, my mom loved me.
I am grateful I had that love. To have felt that feeling of acceptance.

I don't have everything going my way. Earlier I just sat with my face in my hands and cried. I wish I knew what the future holds. I wish I knew how I was going to get through everything going on right now. But as I prayed and contemplated my trials I felt love. I have love from my amazing husband and daughter. And from friends.And my Brother who takes time to call me and chat.
 But most of all I have love from My Heavenly Father. And though I feel like my best is not enough right now, it is enough for him. He loves me. I know that there will be sunshine tomorrow and my unknown future is in good hands.

My mother taught me many many things. We didn't always see eye to eye. We had some pretty rough periods in our relationship to be honest, but she was always my best friend. She was a good, faithful and loving lady. And she taught me to have hope and delight in my Savior.

I pray that if I can do at least one thing right it will be to help Adelaide to love everyone and to trust in the Lord.




"All you need is Love."
Love can't solve all my problems unfortunately but Love can bring a smile to my face after a very difficult day. Love can make me feel better when I feel so very down on myself. Love can encourage me to keep going.
And keep going I will.

My Mommy. Words can't express how much I miss her. 

Thank goodness for the Love and Lessons she taught me.