I started work at the local Children's hospital down in the city. I work at the "welcome desk". It is a pretty great job and the benefits are awesome. I do miss Addie quite a bit. I try to make the most of the time we spend together now that I am a "working mom".
Addie is now ONE! Can you believe it? I sure can't.
She is walking and climbing stairs and she babbles all day long. She LOVES sesame street youtube videos. She will ask to watch them over and over. She loves to dance and follow people around the house. She likes to hold your hand as you walk, until you try to go somewhere where she doesn't want to go. Then she just stops.
She can pull herself up to a stand from sitting. She was quite proud of herself when she realized she could do that. Now she would rather pull herself up to a stand then use the wall or a piece of furniture.
She LOVES books. Every book. Recipe book in grandma's kitchen? yup lets read it. Hymn book at church? I need you to read that to me now! Random magazine that comes in the mail? Were you going to throw that away without showing it to me? Every book. Some more then others. I am pretty sure I have the "foot book" memorized. Which is a good thing becuase she has almost chewed it up so that it is unreadable.
She is honestly such a bundle of joy. She is more amazing then I could have ever imagined and I love every new quirk and characteristic that I learn about her. And her laugh... oh goodness. It brings me smiles on the darkest of days!
I find myself in awe at times at how happy and sweet she is. She truly is a special little spirit from Heavenly Father. I feel quite inadequate.
My cute sister-in-law Courtney braided my hair for me today before I left for work. As I was talking the braids out tonight I started thinking about my childhood and how my sweet mom would braid my hair all the time. It was a tradition almost. We would watch movies and she would braid my entire head! She would do pig tails, corn rows or inside out braids. She was so awesome at it. She would make me "look at the ceiling and tell me a story!" "What do you see on the ceiling Janelle?" I remember often telling her made up stories about butterflies and fairies.
I thought back to a year ago while I was recovering from my c section in the hospital. My mother was in the room talking to me. I asked her to braid my hair. She smiled and delicately put my hair into two french braided pig tails. I could feel that she was struggling a bit as her age worn hands tugged and pulled at my hair. She was tired but We laughed and joked as she went along. It was as if I was back in high school and we were spending a sunday afternoon taking a break from the cares of the world together. So happy to be with each other.
That was the last time my mom braided my hair. I have been replaying memories in my mind of her lately. Trying to remember her laugh. Her smile. Her face.
I hope she knew how much she meant to me. I don't think I ever told her enough.
They say it gets easier with time. I feel at times it is in fact harder.
Though I know that God is near. My pain is not mine to bear alone.
For that I am grateful.
I am grateful for my memories. I am so grateful for my mom.
I realize more and more what I am lacking personally. I am far from a perfect mom, from even a good mom most days. I pray that God will make me into something better then what I see in myself.
I pray that he can make my weaknesses my strengths.
I am grateful for the love my mom had for me. I do know that she loved me. And I love her. I always will.
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| My love, My life, My precious Adelaide. |
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