It is close to midnight and feel like I need to type something. I am not sure what exactly I need to say or what I even want to say.
It has been over a month since my mom had passed away. Some days have been very difficult while others are only slightly. Some days I live in denial that anything is different. Somedays I live in total agony wishing I would have been kinder, done more or said more. I get by with my faith. I know that I will have the chance to see my mom again. I believe that she isn't far from me.
Sometimes when Addie is doing something really cute I find myself saying out loud, "Did you see that mom?" I can imagine her laughter clear as day in my mind. I can imagine her saying, "Aw look at the little baba girl."
There are so many days I want to call her. I want to tell her things. Ask her things. Reality sets in and it hurts. And then I pick myself up and keep going.
Despite the saddness that I feel from the loss of my mom, I am actually doing quite well.
As well as I can. I am grateful that the Lord is carrying me through.
I will keep pressing on. One day at a time.
I will make my mom proud.
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