Father's Day: A Day of Reflection.

Uncle Obed, Grandma Leath, Dad, Mom, me and Jimmy
outside of the San Diego Temple

     I don't remember anything about eleven years ago. I don't remember what I said or did. All I know is that even years ago I was 12 years old and I was celebrating father's day for the last time with my Dad. I didn't realize this at the time, nor did I realize that in a few short months I would lose him to cancer. I wish I had treasured just a few more moments with him.
      But wishes are useless when they are based on the past. Every moment we live is gone the next and all we can do is learn and move forward.

    It has been about ten and a half years since I last saw my father here on this earth. Ten and a half years since I heard his voice, held his hand or saw his blue eyes and handsome smile. Days like today are tough. I tend to think I am strong. I tend to think that after ten years I should not hurt, cry or ache, but I realize that we all have sad days. That is what makes us human I suppose.

Me and My dad 

     I think what has made it so hard this year, more than past years, is that in just about 5-7 weeks I will be holding my very own little girl. I know that my Dad would just have adored her. He was the most amazing guy with kids... or "Babas" as he called them. But he won't be here to welcome her to the earth. He won't be here to kiss my head and tell me how beautiful she is. Just like he wasn't here to take pictures of me at prom, watch me graduate high school or even dance with me on my wedding day. He never got the joy of harassing any of my dates, hearing me call and complain about college or having my husband ask his permission to marry me. Days like today make me think a lot about that. Sometimes it really hurts. Sometimes a girl just needs a hug from her Dad.
     I know without a shadow of a doubt that this pain, this aching, this longing for someone who was taken from me is only temporal. It will not last forever. I know that my Dad and I will see each other again. We were sealed in the San Diego temple when I was ten and that means that we will be a family forever. I was sealed to my husband in that same temple one year ago and that means that our baby will be ours forever.

My first Birthday

     There is hope. God did not take my Dad from me to punish me. He did not do it out of spite or to watch me suffer. I am not sure of all his reasons but I, like Nephi know that God loves his children. And I am a child of God. (1Nephi 11:17) "And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."  I know that the passing of my Dad at a young age has taught me many things. I am grateful that I have was able to learn and I am grateful to the Lord for helping me through. I know I was never alone and I never have been through anything.
      God has promised us that he will send us angels to help us. I was reading the other day about Elisha in 2 kings chapter 6. He is faced with spying against a huge army with only his servent next to him. The Servent is a little nervous about this obviously but when the servant's eyes are opened he is shown horses and chariots of fire around him. They are not alone. Elisha says to his servant, " Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them." (verse 6).  Like this, I realize we are never alone. There are so many people with us every day that we can not see.

     Doctrine and Covenants 84:88: "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

Me and my dad at the "Calico Ghost Town"

     I know that our Heavenly Father keeps his promises. He says in this scripture that Angels will be round us to bear us up and I believe that with all my heart. I know that my Dad is not far from me. Even if he has missed out on earthly experiences with me, I know that he has been there as much as he could. I know he is helping me more than I know and I often wonder if God knew he could help more where he is then maybe he could have here. Who knows really all the reasons why, all I know is that there is hope. This is not the end. I will see my Dad again.

So on this father's day I remember one of the greatest men I ever had the privilege to know. He was not perfect. He made a lot of mistakes. But he came back and became the best guy he could. His story is remarkable. I am so grateful for his amazingly strong example and that I had the time with him on this earth that I did. There are so many things I remember about him. And so many things I admire about him. I hope I never forget them. 

Family Picture... I am about 8 or 9 years old I think

     I am so grateful for my cute wonderful husband who will be the most amazing father. I am so grateful for my awesome father in law who treats me with such love and is such an outstanding example of strength and what a dad should be like. I am grateful for Eric's family especially his Uncle, who is a great example. I am so grateful for all the men back in California who were strong role models in my life of what righteous men should be like. I am grateful for the bishop I had in my single's ward who always encouraged and guided me when I really needed it.  

But Mostly... I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who suffered, agonized, bled and died for all of us so that we can live again. I know that it is true. 

President Thomas s. Monson, God's prophet on the earth today, said, "Every thoughtful person has asked himself the question best phrased by Job of old: “If a man die, shall he live again?”¹¹ Try as we might to put the question out of our thoughts, it always returns. Death comes to all mankind."..."My brothers and sisters, we know that death is not the end. This truth has been taught by living prophets throughout the ages."..."The answer to Job’s question, “If a man die, shall he live again?” came when Mary and others approached the tomb and saw two men in shining garments who spoke to them: “Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen.” As the result of Christ’s victory over the grave, we shall all be resurrected. This is the redemption of the soul."...Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where do we go after this life? No longer need these universal questions remain unanswered. From the very depths of my soul and in all humility, I testify that those things of which I have spoken are true.

Me and my daddy <3

Our Heavenly Father rejoices for those who keep His commandments. He is concerned also for the lost child, the tardy teenager, the wayward youth, the delinquent parent. Tenderly the Master speaks to these and indeed to all: “Come back. Come up. Come in. Come home. Come unto me.”
Read the whole talk here.  

So happy Father's day to all you wonderful Dads out there. Thank you for your example to me. 

And a happy Father's day to my sweet father James Leon Evans. I can't wait till we meet again. Thank you for teaching me about a father's love. I love you so much.