What I didn't know...

     Well Ladies and Gentleman... I have reached the third trimester. I feel like it has taken quite a while to get here but none the less... I have arrived. (Ok so technically I am 28 weeks tomorrow... But... its all the same.)
     So now that I have been pregnant for 28 weeks or 196 days (according to my neat little baby bump app on my phone) I think its time to write this fun post I have been thinking about for some time now. You see when I got pregnant I read some stuff and talked to my friends who were or had been pregnant and I felt very prepared (or as prepared as I could be...) for the next nine months that stood in front of me. I figured I knew what was going to happen and how it would be. I figured I could handle it all and anything I didn't know other people could help me out with.
I laugh now at my naivety.
      I realize there were so many things I didn't know. SO MANY. And so for that reason I write this post. For others who will one day be pregnant and need a perspective of what could be in store and also for my future self who may be pregnant again someday. Please don't forget these things future Janelle....

The biggest thing I didn't realize and I need to remember is that pregnancy is different for everyone. EVERYONE. I heard that and still I thought, "Ha. Well I can still relate myself and compare myself to other people's pregnancies becuase it can't be that different." Don't do it... it will make you sad becuase truth is my friends, every pregnancy handles itself differently. Some people get super sick with some pregnancies and not with others. Some people gain tons of weight and some gain almost nothing. Some people feel the baby move early and some don't till later. Some people carry their baby out and some baby carry their baby down lower. Any one who tells you exactly how it will be for you is wrong... (unless its your doctor... he may have a little bit more insight...)
I think that it was becuase I had seen people be pregnant and I thought I had read so many things about pregnancy that I was expecting things that didn't happen exactly as I had thought they would. (I will explain this more as you read on.) I have since realized its great to read and talk to your friends about pregnancy but my pregnancy is mine and its different than everyone else's. So as long as I am healthy and baby is healthy then that is all that matters. I should take things with a grain of salt.

      Pregnancy is uncomfortable. Okay.. well duh. But really... its uncomfortable. And anyone who says it isn't is either lying or extremely lucky. This also is an example of how everyone is different. Everyone carries their baby differently. Everyone has a different body. Some people's bodies have to stretch like crazy and some don't. When I was just a few weeks pregnant, before I knew I was pregnant I had really bad menstrual cramps. I kept waiting for my period... that never came. I asked my doctor about this during my 5 week ultrasound and he told me my uterus had stretched a lot in those first few weeks and was really enlarged already. That is why I felt those cramps. Interesting.
Pregnancy also causes backaches and leg cramps. I have experienced these things only in a minimal amount so far but I am sure I have not felt the end to them. The first time I had a leg cramp I woke up stretched my leg and felt pain so bad I thought my leg was going to have to get cut off. I stretched it more and walked around on it and it went away. Since then I am more cautious about stretching my legs throughout the day to prevent such horrible pains in the morning.

     Babies kick and move a lot but that doesn't mean you will feel it. "They" say you can start feeling it around 16 weeks. I was so unsure about what were kicks and what were stomach grumblings for a long time. It was more around 23 weeks that I felt a definite "OH BOY... What is inside of me moving like that" type of kick. And baby kicks are awesome and adorable and I still get excited every time I  feel one. Sometimes I laugh out loud becuase its so strange to feel something moving like that inside me.
I didn't realize that some times baby kicks can be uncomfortable. No one ever said that to me... but they can be. The baby moves around and I have other things in my body besides just the baby like my stomach, intestines, kidneys... you know things like that and they don't always agree. But its not awful just strange.

     One of the hardest things for me with pregnancy has been the gaining of the weight. I step on the scale and I see a number I have never before seen and its disheartening at times. This is where I really have to remind myself not to compare myself to others. Becuase I have gained a lot of weight and other people have not. And I get upset. And I feel bad. And I think "Woe is me that I must be cursed to be so gigantic and other's are so cute and small with just a little baby bump!" And my bump is so big.
AND THEN I remind myself... "Um hey Janelle... You have a BABY inside you. Who cares?!" My doctor is not at all worried about my weight. And he informed me that he wrote a paper about pregnancy and weight gain in Med school that won a ton of awards so he knows what he is talking about. I am so blessed with this little adorable baby girl inside of me. And if she needs a lot of room to grow then so be it!!! I didn't ever realize I would get so big... But HEY! its awesome. I go on walks and eat healthy and I am big becuase there is another human growing inside of me. I am blessed and so happy to let her take over my body. Small sacrifice to pay for such an awesome reward as a tiny baby girl right?

     Along the same lines... I had heard it said that people will say things about your weight but I never realized that they really would. THEY REALLY DO.
Its so funny. People comment things like... "Look how big your getting!" and "OH your tummy is so huge!" And if I was't growing a small human I would be offended but since I am its awesome. I think its fun when people notice. Plus it means my baby is getting bigger and that is a good thing!
   I have had some pretty crazy things said to me though. For example one person told me when I was only 4 months pregnant that I was as big as their friend who was due next month and asked if I was  sure I was not carrying twins. I started rambling and tried to explain something about how I have a shorter torso and therefore I show a bit more than others. This person responded, "No! You are both the same size." I then explained that I must just be fat. I won't lie, I let that one hurt my feelings for like a day and then I started realizing that being big and pregnant is fun. When else am I going to be able to gain tons of weight and have people say, "How cute is your tummy?!" and "Look at how big your getting... so fun!" Plus like I already mentioned... its for a good cause!
    Another fun weight story happened just a few weeks ago. We had a BBQ at our house and one of our friends brought a girl I didn't know. He told us later that when he took her home She told him he was attractive. He was flattered but tried to explain that attractiveness is not the most important thing to him relationship wise. She told him that she could tell by his friends. Shocked he asked if she thought he had ugly friends. She said, "No not really but your one skinny friend married that really fat girl." he had to explain that I was in fact 6 months pregnant. Eric and I got a pretty big laugh out of that one.
   I also have random people touch my belly. I am super open and I don't mind being touched so its not weird at all to me. But I can see how people who don't like to be touched could be really uncomfortable. I think its fun though... so if you see me, go ahead... though I do like to be asked before hand most the time.

     Another thing I didn't realize about pregnancy is that you can get really sick. I didn't expect it. You hear stories about super hero moms who are able to be pregnant, go to school and work three jobs while building a house on the side and starting their own scrapbooking company. I realized early on that I am not one of those super hero women. I had to try for a while to not be jealous of other people I knew who were pregnant and who would write about how they were able to do all this stuff. I finally realized that this is my pregnancy and my being sick and weak is part of the experience. Heavenly Father knows me very well. He knows that I can handle this and that I am learning from these challenges. I still find myself at times feeling down or sad that I don't have a ton of energy or strength but I realize that its ok. I am doing my best. I am not perfect but I am doing my best and the Lord has blessed me so much.
     Along these lines... I need to remember that I can't do everything I used to do. I am larger then I used to be and more easily worn out. I have found the past few weeks of work have been incredibly difficult becuase I beat myself up about not being as strong as I used to be. I may or may not have had a few days where I came home crying from work becuase I feel like I am not doing my best. That of course is not true... I am doing my best... my best is just not what it used to be. And its frustrating and I feel so angry with myself. I want to be able to do everything and have tons of energy. I try to prove time and time again that I am ok and force myself to work harder and harder which is great. But I have to remember that its ok to just take a moment to rest. I need to give myself a break and realize that I really am doing all I can do. And that I am not like every one else. I am just me. I can't expect to be anything less. I just need to trust the Lord and take advantage of the down time that I get becuase soon a small child will be here and there will be no down time or rest time. My life will forever be changed... for the better. But it will not be easy.

     Another thing I didn't realize is how my emotions really do feel messed with on a daily basis. I can go from super happy to extremely depressed in a matter of minutes. My anxiety is out of control. Not to mention that I feel more and more irritable (this could be becuase I am tired though...).
Needless to say I have to remember to not let my emotions get the best of me. I have to remember that I am strong and that there are good things in store. And when I just cry for a few hours becuase "I am so sad!" I just have to remember this is all part of the experience.

I also didn't realize my depth perception of where my body can fit would be so off. Let me give you an example for this one. Ok so Imagine you are in a grocery store. You are there to buy one thing. You see a lady with a cart in the middle of the aisle. You figure, "I can walk past her cart with out any problems..." and so you go walk past her cart and bump it with your belly and it hits her, knocking her glazed look of which pickle to buy off her face. Her face become furious and you try to apologize. This may happen on like a daily basis to me. I see a small space I normally can walk in or through and BAM. Nope... fail.

     I hope this Post doesn't seem like me complaining. That was not the point at all. I am so grateful that I am pregnant and that I am learning. I have been so blessed. I have an AWESOME Doctor. He is simply amazing and he cares about me as his patient. I have heard him many times tell other people I am one of his favorite patients which makes me feel so happy.
I have an amazing husband who puts up with every crazy mood swing. He cleans out the bucket and holds my hair every time I throw up. He picks up the things that are too far away from me to reach. He gets me food and drinks and rubs my feet when they are super sore. He always always always does the dishes. He says I am beautiful when I feel like I am not. He reassures me when I start to freak out about being a mom. He is my best friend and truly a blessing from the Lord.
I have great friends and co workers who make me feel so loved. My co workers pick up my slack when I fail to be my best. And make me smile when they can see I need it.
I have a lovely mom who did her best and helped raise me in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Becuase of this I have faith and hope. She helped me to have the testimony that I have and I hope I can do for my daughter what she did for me in that way.
I am so grateful that baby girl is good and growing well. I have not had complications and things are good.

I need to remember that above all else this pregnancy is not about me. Its about my baby. I can complain and feel sad or I can realize that there is a reason for this. I am learning and growing and in the end... there will be a baby. What a beautiful thing this is.

So Hooray for third trimester. I have learned a lot so far but I know I have more to go.
12 more weeks my friends...

26 weeks 

28 weeks!