Happiness

      I am have found myself lately on a quest to be more happy. I think that has always been a quest of mine but lately it has been pressing on my mind that I need to try a bit harder. Don't get me wrong, I am not sad... I just think that a brighter and happier attitude would do me good. Plus I have been reading this book my wonderful mother-in-law sent me called The Happiness Project. In it the Author talks about her journey to be more happy. I am only a couple chapters in but I love what she says, especially about having a positive attitude.
     I have been trying lately to be more positive, to not let little things bug me and to be more grateful for what I have. The author in the book made a great point about how she does not want to look back in ten years and think "Oh how wonderful life was... why did I not enjoy it more?"
My life is pretty great and even the hard times seem better when I try looking at them with a positive attitude. I will add to that also an "Eternal Perspective." By that phrase I mean trying my best to remember that this life is not the end... I have a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me, and all the things I am going through in this life are for my benefit and growth.
     I was sitting in church a few weeks ago pondering my troubles and how I can face them with a more positive attitude. I also have this horrible habit imagining the worse case scenarios that could go on in my life. I sat silently asking God what I could do to be happier and not focus on the little things or the unknown. As I sat there I became aware of the hymn we were singing and the words stood out to me in a way they never had before.
These are the words:
Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to standUpheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.  (How Firm a Foundation, third verse)


Why should I worry about the unknown? Why should I ever be unhappy? God has promised that he will always give us aid. He has been there for me before and he will STILL be there for me in the future no matter what it holds. This reminds me of my favorite scripture which is Alma 36:27 "27 And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has ^adelivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still ^bdeliver me."

This little hat once had candy in it... Eric replaced
the candy with this. There is no more candy...
but there was tons of laughter. :)

      So I started thinking about how I should be more grateful. I have lots to be happy about and I have such a wonderful Heavenly Father who has made it so I can be happy. One of the first things that came to my mind as I pondered the idea of gratitude was how grateful I am for Eric. I realize that he is the person I take for granted the most in my life even though he is the most important. He really is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He completely changed my life. That is so cliche and yet those of you who know me... know how accurate that statement is. 
     Eric is my best friend. He helps me to be the person I want to be and hope to be. He has such a strong testimony and love of God. He is so funny. There really is not a day that goes by that he does not make me laugh. I am so blessed and grateful for him. I hope that I never lose sight of how amazing he is and how much he means to me. 
     Also... He always does the dishes. Always! Seriously... Always. And he rubs my sore feet. And he works endlessly at school trying to get good grades so he can provide for our family's future and he also works at the library making us money for rent and food and bills. And he still finds time to listen to my problems, read me scriptures when I don't feel good and hold me when I cry. I know he is not perfect. But neither am I. I am so grateful that he married me. That he is going to help me raise our baby! And mostly...I am so grateful that he is mine forever. 


     I am grateful for the hard times. As crummy as they are those are the moments where I learn the most. Being pregnant has not been easy. Just as I was becoming more and more capable of handling being sick I started to realize that now I have extra weight to carry around. My back and feet are paying the consequences. But I love this. Never again will I have my first baby or first pregnancy. This is all part of the experience.
     One of the hardest parts of being so sick was having to drop out of my classes this semester. It was a really tough decision but after a lot of prayer and talking to my doctor I realized it was a good choice. With my classes I had to take all 6 or none at all. So I withdrew from them. It turned out to be good becuase of all the doctors visits I had to make and from how sick I was. Going to work was about all I can do (and still is... ). 
This choice though came with a consequence. I was told I would have to pay financial aid back for half of my tuition. I was able to request a "tuition reimbursement" from the school but I was told that getting 100% back was very unlikely. They told me that most likely I would get 50% and I would need to pay the difference. 
Eric and I started getting notices in the mail telling us that we owed a hefty amount. But I still had not heard back the tuition reimbursement. A month went by and still nothing. I kept calling but I was told that it was processing. Notices kept coming telling me I needed to pay or figure out a financial plan.  Eric and I kept talking about different plans we could do and I decided that if by the end of this week I would call the school and find out about the reimbursement. I figured they must have declined it that is why I had not heard anything and kept getting notices of a payment due. 
Today I randomly had a panic attack while trying to go to an activity at church. I came home to calm down and there sitting on my door step was another letter from UVU. With tears running down my cheeks I opened the letter. While trying to calm myself down from the panic attack I said a silent prayer that no matter what I trusted the Lord. I asked desperately for good news... I didn't think I could handle bad news in the state I was in. As I unfolded the letter peace came over me. I realized that no matter what it said I would be ok. I was able to breathe again and my heart rate seemed to be calming down. The letter revealed to me that they had decided to refund my tuition but not only that they were giving me a full 100% refund. This may seem like a silly story but to me it stood as a tender mercy that God loves me and knows me. That he is aware of me and my situation. I feel so grateful to him and the trials I go through, even though they are not easy at times and I don't always deal with them gracefully. 


Anyways... Sorry this is a pretty long post.. I should try posting more often so there are not such longs ones when I do.


All is good with baby... We will be having a twenty week ultra sound Wednesday.
Here is a baby bump picture for you all

19 weeks and 6 days (almost 20)